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Friday, August 13, 2010

How's it goin'?

I am sitting in Parker Colorado. I'm here leading a parenting seminar. I love what I do! It is great material written by great people. Here, I have exhaled and I am resting for tomorrow. However, in all truth this has been one of the worst weeks in a long time. I think it really hit as I boarded the plane today. The flight attendant took my pass, smiled and said, "How's it goin'?" I thought, How's it goin'? Then, in the sum of 3 seconds my mind flashed on the past 72 hours.

I was thinking, How's it goin'? Well, our one and only family vacation went from three measly days to one day as an entire family. We stayed at a State Park on the hottest week of the summer in a shelter (no really that's what they call it) with no air conditioning in what could only be described equivalent to Dante's 7th level of hell. That put us all in a "charming" mood especially the three year old who finally got to sleep at 1:30 am only to wake at 4:30 due to the heat.I cooled him off and Then I couldn't go back to sleep.(At least the next day the half that stayed moved to a cooler cabin.) I spent a long three hour drive back home with my oldest on a winding road only to clean the house for a weekend guest that was coming, packed for my flight and made sure my church ministries were covered. My husband called and we had a fight. My watch, which is never slow, was 30 minutes off! I then realized it was not an hour and ten minutes till my flight, but 40 minutes and I was not at the airport yet! I parked in long term parking and missed the shuttle. Afraid I would miss my flight, I chose to run, in heals, in the heat of the summer. I ran the equivalent of two and a half football fields to get to the airport. I then went upstairs to discover I was on the opposite side of where I needed to check-in. I ran some more. I got my ticket and went through boarding. Of course I ran to the terminal, which of course was the last one at the end, and had minutes to spare before they started boarding. How's it goin'?!!!

Then I thought again. It was really hot on our family trip and I am sure it will go down in the Bryan family history books as "that hot vacation." I'm sure we will laugh about it when it is not so fresh. I thought even though Jeremy (the three year old) was hot he loved it and I am sure he is going to be an outdoors man when he grows up (with plenty of liquids). We had so much fun swimming together in the river and having a picnic on the banks. I thought that I was glad we went to the dance that Garner State Park holds every night under the stars. It made us smile watching our nine year old dance with at least 9 girls; all who were a foot and a half taller than he was. We saw our daughter dance and I liked watching my husband as he stared down every young man that asked her to dance. I thought that while I didn't like the winding drive, I loved the small towns and found one for our next anniversary. I also loved the time with just my oldest son who is growing up way to fast.I thought, oh how I love cleaning the house... okay I didn't think that, but I do love our house guest. I am sad Randy and I had a fight, but I thank God we have God. We will work it out because I love him and he loves me, and we love God who loves us. I thank God because I got a call in the car on the way to the airport from a lady whom I haven't heard from in a long time. She called to thank me for the time I mentored her family. She thanked me for the parenting help, and said their marriage is better because of the time I spent mentoring them. I thanked God that I looked at my car clock and realized I had just enough time to book it to my plane. And I thank God for the blessing of doing this parenting seminar.

I then snapped back to reality to find the man smiling at me and waiting for my answer. I smiled and said, "Fine thank you." I said fine, but which one was it? Was it fine, or was it really cruddy? The truth? It was both.

Welcome to "This Ain't Heaven." Population you , me, and everybody else. Sometimes it is just tough and that goes for church families too! Say, do have directions to that place where there is no more gnashing of teeth, and no one cries, and all bills are paid? You do?!! Me too, we are just on a waiting list that will come both too soon and not soon enough. So what great wisdom can you gain today from a lady who is still obviously in a funk? Should we learn about what it says in Romans that all things work to the glory of God for those that love Him and are called according to His purpose? No, you know that. I bet you also know to consider this hard time joy because BOY HOWDY I am going to be one persevering woman when this is all not so fresh! Should we learn that all pastor families should take their vacation immediately after school lets out? Yep, that's a good one. We need time together. We need just us time and I am already starting to get really stingy about Spring Break!

Perhaps the best thought I can share as I sit huddled in my little corner of the hotel is this. Where does my help come from? Where do I go when I am running in the heat thinking why did I wear heals for strangers I will never see again in an airport? Where does my strength come from when my family has zero joy in the 100 degree plus shelter and togetherness is only making it hotter? Where is that joy when my husband and I are both angry and I have no answer that satisfies him, and he has no hope as I have no answer that will satisfy his question? Where?

My hope comes from the LORD. Because my daddy is bigger than you, you rotten week! I want God to hold me and make it better, and I know He will because He always does. God loves us. Pealing back the layers of the worst of this week, and the best of this week I find God with me in everything. Thank you God. Not because it is always perfect, but because you are always there. You are enough and I am climbing slowly out of the pit with your help. Thank you for giving me strength... I frankly don't have any today but yours.

How has God showed His strength to you this week?

Psalm 121:1-2 "I lift my eyes to the hills - where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth."

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