Now readers! Don't think I am getting sappy on you! This is not one of those cheesy "one cup of kindness, and a pinch of gentleness" posts! No! In fact, it is quite the opposite! You see, today was May the sixteenth. And on this day a great event was to occur! For 10 long days I have been mushing a bag of friendship bread, adding ingredients on day six, and letting the air out of the bag so it could have just the right environment!
Have I had other friends give me friendship bread before? Uh... yeah... I am a pastor's wife. However, usually somewhere between church and the car ride home, or sometime between day one and day three, the poor bread never stood a chance and was tossed out. I don't know what got into me this time. Maybe it was the fact that my garden is going so well this year, or that I could get bread for.... (wait for it).... free, but I was determined to see this batch through to the end!
Things were skeptical on day eight when this liquid goo was looking more like a vanilla shake that had gone terribly wrong rather than than what was soon to be bread for dinner. Nonetheless, I forged on ever closer to the anticipated homemade smell of bread in my oven. So, finally today after three services this morning and a carpool back up for youth group tonight, I was ready!
There was no need to look for the instructions. I had hung them in my kitchen, and practically had them memorized. I had read them so much I felt like an expert on friendship bread. Do you know you should not place the contents in a metal bowl? No, it must be in a glass or plastic bowl with a wooden spoon. In fact, I measured and mixed the flour, sugar, and milk with great precision! Surely you could imagine my surprise when I looked into the bowl and instead of dough I saw what looked like white soup... with chunks... and it smelled funny. The bread that I had been anticipating seemed to be turning out all wrong.
All bread aside for a moment, I think friendships can turn out like that bread; not quite what you expected. Sometimes it is a great surprise and other times they can be real heart breakers. It is a rare and most treasured thing for a pastor's wife to find a true friend. Folks want to be your friend, but please don't share your hurts or problems because you may seem less holy and a little too real. There have been times that my BFF meeter was sure this was the real deal and nothing would ever separate our friendship. That is until my husband shared a vision that was too much and the family and our friendship walked out the door. I have many friends and I feel very blessed. I have friends from the past, and at work, and from church. In fact, when the chips are down I know that I could call on many and they would be there (and vise-versa). Yet, there are those extremely rare few friends that have seen it all! Probably it is no surprise to you that most are also pastor wives (at other churches), or one is a sister of a pastor. I do have two very close friends that are the real suckers and they are my friend just because. In fact, I saw a mug the other day that made me laugh out loud. It said, "You will always be my friend, you know to much!"
How did these women get to be such good friends? Simple, we have been through a lot! Would you like to know what? Too bad, I am not that kind of friend and neither are they. That is one of many reasons they are so special. The NIV says in Proverbs 18:24, "A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." I don't know if you have ever been hurt by a friend, or if you have hurt them. I would say two things. The first being that grace through forgiveness goes a long way. Forgiveness (aka praying for them) takes that hurt you are holding onto and places it in the hands of the only one who will ever offer the peace you need. In fact, I have a joke I sometimes tell people from time to time. I say, "If you get to really know me, there is a 99.9% chance I will hack you off sometime in the future. However, if I do and you come to me in love, there is a 100% chance we can work it out." It's true. Life is messy, and true friends are not forged because every event is a tea party. Quite the opposite. It is praying over children, and hurts, and bills that can barely get paid. It is a call just to say hi and a call just to say I care. It is mowing your sick friends lawn after your own hard day. Grace reminds you that friendship is two people staring at each other with big logs in their eyes... just doing the best (through God's sweet grace) that they can.
The second thing is just as important, and it is that we are not meant to be alone.
If you have been hurt by a friend or a church member, don't live there. Eventually hurt people hurt people. You know who they hurt the most? They hurt themselves.
Usually if I am hurt by a church member I have this brief fantasy that like the witness protection program, we will go to another town. Randy will become a computer programmer and we will never tell our true identity. The pastor at our new church will say, "You all are so wonderful, you never give us any trouble, and you tithe!" Ah, but we will never tell that he was a minister. We will just go to church and maybe go to one meeting... maybe. Reality Check! Leaders step out into uncharted territory. Sometimes the water is fine and other times a big gator dressed as a deacon is at the bottom waiting to bite!
When I snap out of my 30 second fantasy (minute and a half it is a real doozy), I take a breath and remember what an amazing friend I have in Christ. That is just what Christ said to the disciples. He called them his friends. Christ's friends were hard to find when the chips were down, but in the end they gave all they had to their Savior. I like to think that as I have aged I have become a little wiser. Every friendship has value. Every friendship is different, and you need to care for it. You also need to know the boundaries that make that particular friendship work. Wife, it can be lonely enough. Invest in friendships, and especially in that friend you married.Today, that friendship bread reminded me of that lesson.
In the end, I took a leap of faith and I baked that bread. The final verdict was that it was ok, and not great. I was surprised that it actually turned into bread at all! I will stick to the wheat bread in the store for my family. But what an adventure making that bread turned out to be. What an adventure friendships add to our lives!
1 John 4:11 "Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another."
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